It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so
God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was: in order to get
into Heaven, you had to have a really bummer day on the day that you died. The
policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
So, the next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The
Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man,
"Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when
"No problem" the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor
apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover
was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half
naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was
about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that
there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy!
Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to
the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that
broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I
went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at
him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I
unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony and flipped it over the side. It
plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so
great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
The angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad
day - it was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announces, "OK sir.
Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and lets him in.
A few seconds later the next guy comes up. To the Angel's surprise it was
Vernon Jordan. "Mr. Jordan, before I can let you in, I need to hear about
what your day was like when you died. Jordan said, "No problem. But
you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor
apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I
was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried
away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able
to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a
sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and
stomps on my fingers. Well, of course, I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at
the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying
there, face up on the ground, unable to move, and in excruciating pain, I see
this guy push his refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the
25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Jordan finishes his story. 'I
could get used to this new policy' he thinks to himself "Very well,"
the Angel announces "welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets
A few seconds later, President Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is
almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war poured through
the Angel's head. Finally he said, "Mr. President, please tell me what it
was like the day you died." Clinton says, "OK, picture this.
I'm sitting inside a refrigerator, naked, minding my own business...."