How to be a Good Democrat:
1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how
to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are
more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical,
documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual
7. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression, and governments
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony
activists who've never been outside of Seattle do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem! is more important than actually
doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of
the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of
12. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
13. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more
important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E.
Lee or Thomas Edison.
14. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas
and set-asides aren't.
15. You have to believe Hillary Clinton and Janet Reno are really ladies.
16 You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere
it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.
17. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a
liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.
18. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites
and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at
Christmas should be illegal.
19. You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the Chinese
is somehow in the best interest of the United States.